Maggie Barrie Patterson (captaindante) wrote,
Maggie Barrie Patterson
captaindante

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Not my best

I'm really tired lately. I've been sleeping better than I have been in the past, but I don't think its just lack of sleep contributing to my lackadasical attitude of late. I was reading Jen's post and I think her mood was put so nicely. "In a funk". I am in a deep funk right now. Almost a rut you might say. Not quite a depression, though I have been crying randomly, and not just at Disney movies. I got really mad at my Mom for things she was saying on the phone, so I started punching an empty plastic milk carton once we were off the phone. When those things have their lid on tight, they have a lot of give to them. Try it, its very calming.

I found out that one of the children who was at the daycare I worked at years ago is now in the Children's Hospital. She has MS and has always been in a wheel chair. It was really great working with her. I was the only one strong enough at the daycare to be able to hold her and take her down slides and swing with her. It turns out that her back is really crooked and bent out of shape. In order to fix it, they need to fuse her spine. (not really sure what they mean, but sounds intense) And, in order to do this, she needs to double her weight. She's always been just skin and bones, and they don't think she can do it. They don't think she is going to make it. This is also why I was punching the milk carton. To get the frustration and sadness out.

I don't even feel like getting out of bed in the morning. I don't want to get up and put on makeup and do my hair. I barely have the will to lift my toothbrush to my face. I need someone to talk to. Not just anyone will do. I need you.
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